Monday, March 16, 2009

Things I have Invented, How Brilliant They Are, Why the World Continues to Ignore Them

Trans Siberian Minimalist Post Goth

What is it?
Goth music, without all the distracting changes and “music” and with the addition of “wolves."

How Brilliant Is It?

Totally brilliant.

Why the World Continues to Ignore It
Not enough wolves.


Talky Pop

What is it?
Talking Popcorn Bucket. Asks “who is that?” “where is he going?” “Isn’t he really Superman?” Reminds viewer of product tie-ins, cracks wise, answers cell phone

How Brilliant Is It?
Not really all that brilliant

Why the World Continues to Ignore It
No popcorn bucket, however sophisticated, can replace Grandma



Steinman Power 7 Artificial Heart

What is it?
Artificial Heart That Plays “Total Eclipse of the Heart”

How Brilliant Is It?
Merely clever

Why the World Continues to Ignore It
All things considered, not a very good song or artificial heart.


Mace Lite and Mace Jr.

What is it?
Personal defense without all that stinging harshness. When you want to incapacitate someone …but not all that much. Comes in different scents: Jalapeño, Habanero, Summer Breeze, Holiday Potpourri and Traditional Mace

How Brilliant Is It?
Somewhat

Why the World Continues to Ignore It
Never went beyond development: people sampling Mace Lite and Mace Jr. could not tell the difference from regular mace; also complained of not being asked if they wished to sample Mace Lite and Mace Jr. and “blindness.”


The Erotic Chess Story

What is it?
The most erotic and intellectually stimulating thing ever.

How Brilliant Is It?
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

Why the World Continues to Ignore It
Mankind apparently not ready for golden age of ultimate entertainment.

1 comment:

Stephen said...

An invention of yours you omitted: a couples-oriented Spay-your-own-cat center.
How Brilliant: Brilliant enough that i remember it 11 years later.
Why the World Continues to Ignore: E. 53rd st. no place to start a business anymore; cat's are too "squirmy."